Memories of my father

Luther Vandross sings about it.  The American President, Mr. Obama wrote a best-selling book about it.  So it goes to say, people, whether of the fourth or third or second or first world have memories of this relationship.  I have been priviledged to see both sides of this relationship, the sad and the happy.  I am among the lucky few who remember the man who sired them with love, respect and affection. My eldest son, like countless other young and old men, has not been so lucky.  He has this void of rembrance of the exact time the fathers exited his life, the unfulfilled promises, the marginalisation when the father took on a new spouse and this seething anger and lack of understanding on why his world was turned upside down.

Someone sent me the following via Google and for those whose fathers are still alive, I want to share this.

Love. It’s right up there with air, food and water as the most necessary of ingredients for existence. And yet, for many people, it’s the hardest thing to find and perhaps even harder to hold on to. The truth is you’re not perfect, and neither is your parent. But you can be perfectly imperfect together.

Finding Love in Imperfect Relationships is firmly rooted in the belief that how you choose to see things informs the way they appear for you. What if, instead of focusing on trying to change your parent, you had the ability to actually change the way you look at them? Suddenly, the focus of everything in your relationship would shift.

This concept is based on the ancient Japanese art form known as Wabi Sabi that honors all things worn, weathered, imperfect and impermanent. It is the imperfections that make something beautiful and unique. By applying this concept to love relationships, Wabi Sabi Love allows you to go from “annoyed to enjoyed” with simple, fun, and effective ways to embrace this life-changing shift in perception. 

My father passed on 5 years ago but I still have so many fond memories of him, so many so that when I have problems even now, I remember a lot of what he used to say to me and I draw a lot of inspiration and comfort from that.  For everyone whose father is still alive, its a choice you make to make things work, or close the chapter totally and move on with your life.  Dont waste yourself judging or assessing.  Dont have any expectations great or small and dont blame yourself or mess up your life wishing for what could have been. You may not have chosen your parents, but you can decide what happens with your life.

This post is dedicated to my father, and all the wonderful fathers in the world.