Getting out of the Rut

Oscar Wilde once said something that, reading at the time I did, made little impression upon me.  Now, years later and graduating from life's school of hard knocks, it does occur to me that the man was right.  When someone gives you knowledge or information and you are not ready to receive it, or understand its significance, or use it, its of no consequence to you.  The same information, under different circumstances changes your life.

Yea yea, I have friends who read more motivational books than I who say there is nothing there, just like people who go to different religious prophets say the same thing.  Its actually crazy but true that religion and motivational speakers are talking about one and the same thing, the same thing that is repeated by my own mother while she tends her fields without knowing its worth in gold, only if she could actually believe what she is saying.  Call it faith or what you may but personally, I am not getting better and better each day,  as Emil suggests some place, BUT, my life becomes more and more interesting as it slides into shape.  I use the word slide here for a reason.  Some elaboration, if you would kindly permit me.

I am not sure which is better, to have and lose money and material comfort plus financial security, or not to have at all.  This is no paradox.  I am talking about a state of mind which exists for both situations.  In my case, the element of domestic abuse, while dorminant to some extent, only blocked the desire to own or possess anything ever again, because having was now equated to suffering.  It came as a rude shock to me, when I, for the first time in years, really went back in time to my life maybe a decade or so ago, and started building from there.  We were materially endowed, but I was miserable!  The person I saw in that life is nothing compared to the person I am right now.  While both lives had their merits, I think mental freedom and the ability to objectively assess one's own life and learn and improve and live and enjoy - plays such a fundamental role in living, which, day by day, I am finding, is necessary for happily overlooking little annoyances and general disagreements with everything and everyone.  In finding peace for myself, the happiness just comes of its own accord.  True, I am still battling doubt and fear, but there is progress. Ignorance, you people of this my fourthworld, is not bliss.  Oh the folly of this wasteland, this acceptance of doing without.  Its wrong.  You just have to fight for what you want, and get it.  The tragedy is that the fight has to happen in YOUR head.  Yes, that place where 'thinking' one of our worst habits, if we bother to even try it at all- takes place.  That is why we do not get out of the rut.