The journey of Life

Someone asked why I share my personal experiences and emotions online on this blog.  Experiences shared and talked about, help one deal with otherwise crippling and damaging life issues e.g. today I found out that I have become a person who expects the worst from situations so I wrote that realisation down and examined my thought pattern.  In my mind, I expected a disaster to happen.  There were no facts supporting my ascertion but because I expected it, that seemed to be the reality that should have ensured.  From that train of thoughts, the trend went further, expecting a series of negative events.  When I got to the office, I took pen and paper and wrote all the negative expectations down, like I have been doing for over a week now .  Then I made a conscious effort to change my thoughts.  At the end of the day, I went back to where I had written my negative expectations and like all the other entries for the week and none of my negative expectations happened.  In fact, from reading my entries this whole week, the minute I changed my thought pattern, events followed what I was thinking.  Positive brought positive and the same for negative.  

My fear of making money stemmed from a period in my life when I did have the money, but had a terrible life. In my subconscious mind, money equalled trouble and I managed to influence the thought pattern of those around me by making them accept that it was o.k. to do without money!  How horribly wrong that thinking was and of course it affected everything! Domestic violence, while most unfortunate is just that, domestic violence.  It has nothing to do with money. In my case, I subconsciously always connected money to violence so ultimately the impulses I was sending out were all negative, and since I have an influencing personality, I influenced everyone around me to believe that it was alright to make do without money.  I used to talk about this discovery in passing, not knowing that I was stating a true fact which was vindicated by scientific study done by those in the know re - thought impulses.  So, in time, I affected all those around me.  My thinking became their thinking and incredibly, we went through a year - broke.  I have had to re-educate my mind that money on its own, was not the reason for the trouble I went through, but a vindictive and insecure partner who messed up my life and my mind.  In fact, my first experience with domestic violence explains why I also became insecure and only felt safe with a much older but totally irresponsible man.  The fact that it has taken me this long to evaluate my life and that of my children, and to start only now to take corrective action, means talking about these experiences either here or elsewhere helps.  

I hope that from those who follow this blog (thank you guys!) anyone  faced with a similar or worse situation can take note and do better than I have done.  Life is too short to make it a thirty second advertisement of hide and seek or make believe.