And there was a Black Out

Calvin had a black out at 4.00pm yesterday. He did not have a phone. Lucky for him a friend picked him up and took care of him from 4.00pm till 7.00pm when he came to. Three days earlier he had taken the office key by accident and left me stranded for 3 hours. When he walked in yesterday at 7.15pm, I simply took a glass of water and threw it on his face then walked out. He followed, we got home and it was only then that I noticed that all was not well with him. 9.00pm to twelve midnight were the longest hours of the year. Calvin kept slipping in and out of consciousness. You only realize that anything can happen anytime and that life has no guarantees when something like this happens to someone you truly love. Lucky for me, two hours later, Calvin was alright.

The question I have been asking myself since Calvin's illness is how many people I have not listened to who tell me the truth (because of prior events) or how many people I have listened to who lie to me straight faced. Still, I want to apologise to those I have unwittingly hurt. To anyone I did not give a chance to explain their situation to me and to those who told me the truth and I did not listen, please forgive me. I know that time heals all wounds but this apology is sincere and necessary for me.

Calvin made me listen to Lil Wayne & Bruno Mars - Mirror. Deep Song.

Next week I want to start talking about some remarkable women. I am supposed to have had tea with Jessesi Mungoshi yesterday but had to reschedule. Those who do not know her, she is the star of the Zimbabwean Movie "NERIA". We had a chat and I am happy to see that she still takes very good care of herself.

Yesterday

Was a beautiful day. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Everything that could go right went right and since there was more that went right than wrong, then it was a great day.

The sky was a perfect blue, no clouds. It occurred to me that you do not need to have great brains or to be a genius to make it in life. Academics plays an important role in understanding concepts, but it does not give one the ability to see opportunities and convert them into wealth. Same as exercise, if you do it and continue to binge, then there is little you see of the effort you will be putting in. I think a lot boils down to self confidence, the ability to believe in what you are doing, the passion and strength to continue doing it until you actually succeed and the strength and tenacity to make difficult decisions.

Yesterday I found myself visualizing what it will be like when I succeed, not if, which is where I have been stuck for a very long time. I owe all this to birds. Looking up at loads of them flying, the biblical saying that if they can afford to be carefree and enjoy what they do and rejoice in doing it, what was holding me back from doing the same - and the answer was plain and simple, fear and lack of self belief. Sometimes you do not need to listen to too many voices but the voice speaking at you from within. The peace and quiet afforded is priceless in making you reach deep within yourself to drag forth strength and reserve tenacity, you sidestep your own bitterness and re-look at everything calmly.

This is going to be an interesting week.

Material Wealth

The average material net worth of people in my world can be broken down to: 1or 2 colour Tvs a lounge suite 2 to 3 beds a fridge deep freezer kitchen cupboards, title to a 3 bed house in a mid density surburb and 2 90s model cars i.e the top end - middle - the clothes one owns, cellphone, debts, dreams and hope, bottom - nothing save for the clothes on ones back.

What Mobile Gadget Are You Using?

That was the question I got when I tried some application on my phone yesterday. And to add insult to injury it then listed iphones, galaxies, htcs etcetera. My phone is a 2008 original - never mind whose original and my budget says that should be good for another year but alas! I have to get a new phone and new laptop and a new Tv and a new car - the type with Japanese maps and in built auto pilot then call Google Maps for adjustments - then get a new house, new clothes, new look, new attitude, new ... Maybe that explains the 90 percent fake brand possessions in my world and the pride of the ignorant owners.

Views

I love the view from this office window - especially at sunset. And the view from the roof top. I took the twins up there and they loved it. Sometimes its just about perfect views - and enjoying what you have when you have it.

Dear Charles

My ears hear what you say. My head tells me to allow you to come but my heart ... It is folly to love so deeply and absolutely - ask Bruno Mars. Easy come easy go. Gave someone all he had and that was tossed in the trash. Such is life.

Auntie's Day In Court

So my friend got her day in court with the thug who stole her US$5 000.00.  She says it was a harrowing experience and I believe her.  If you have always stayed on the right side of the law but are forced and dragged into courts by unscrupulous business people, it leaves a very bad taste in the mouth.  The greatest damage is in the lack of faith in people again or worse, when you end up doubting the right people and believing the wrong ones.

To know that you made a difference

In someone's life is something most people take for granted.  Internet is bread and butter for first world people but its not the same for our people.  To have people walk in through the door and tell you that your work has changed their lives, that is something.  Its better than profit, or accolades because the difference between those who make it in life is not always about money, sometimes it is about having your spirit lifted so high you fly.

Of Pride and other matters

On a sad note, someone I am very well acquinted with knew the gentleman who took  his own life with a gun on Friday or Saturday evening in the city.  Saturday, I saw an accident happen, one minute someone is walking minding their own business and next thing, a car hits them and they go up in the air and down.  Fortunately, they lived but it brought home the fact that life is fragile.  The little differences we choose to make big issues because of pride do not matter, because when everything is said and done, life is for living.  This post is dedicated to a young man who taught me that humility does not kill.  In fact, it makes us stronger and more worthwhile human beings.  To  Mr. Mkandla and all the people like him, thank you.     

You Never Know

Where you will get useful information.  I sat here for 4 hours waiting for someone I had set up an appointment to see but who for some reason, decided not to make themselves available.  I was determined to see that person so I waited in the reception area and while minding my own business, the branch managers of that company, who had come for a workshop at the head office, came out for a tea break and discussed interesting financial information about the company.  The four hour wait was inadvertently rewarded with information I would otherwise not have managed to be privy to had I been elsewhere at that particular moment in time.  

Ward 2B

"No one tells me where to go if I go to hospital anymore.  I can read for myself where it says Ward 2B".  That was the motivation behind my 75 year old mother going to school for the first time in her life this year.  She had the brains, otherwise she would not have produced me but can you imagine what it was like for women back in those days, father with enough money to educate but because you happen to be the wrong sex, stay at home!  How far and how beautifully times have changed.

Not only can my mom now read Ward 2B, she is actually encouraging women her own age to do the same.  I spent my birthday listening to her read.  Looking at her rapt expression, the care with which she held the photocopied book and  the passion with which she read, it made me realise how I and a lot of our children take education for granted. 

Happy & Sad Birthday!

Everyone who has a family or friend who was affected by the 11 September events in America is sad today. I know Maureen and her family think about this a lot. The other time she told me that it was difficult to celebrate the death of someone but she was happy when Osama died. At least for her and a lot of others, there was closure.

I want to wish everyone who was born tomorrow a happy birthday, because I am one such person. Jeff, my father, was a grand (grande - old world charm) man. His wife, Mary, my mother, is still with us. She is my mother, my friend, my mentor and the funny thing is, we have not always gotten along. Had my life not turned upside down, I would never have re-connected with not only my mother, but a lot of other people too. Sometimes having quite a bit of money takes the most important thing from one's life - time to be with loved ones. Everything becomes a five minute appointment and you cannot squeeze in a minute to stop and see a loved one because there is so much to do. Now, when you dont have money, you have time. Unfortunately, when you try to see too much of people with money, they dont want to see you, unless you are in the same league. That is why there are these huge rifts in families. A moneyed mentality cannot understand a poverty one and vise versa.

Please allow me to thank some wonderful women who have made me laugh, cry, shout for joy, weep and hurt when they hurt ... or I did. My dearly beloved and departed best friend and sister, Annah. This woman, she worked hard all her life, and I mean hard. If I am asked to pick out one woman who influenced my life more than everyone else, it would be her. She loved without reserve and she taught me to do the same. My sisters Irene, Margaret, Jennifer and Grace. I'm not getting along well with Grace but I love her. To Maureen, Martha, Madeline, Janet, Memory, Lydia and the rest, thank you. Before Annah died, she gave me this placard which said "I asked God for all things so that I could enjoy life .... I was given life so I could enjoy all things." I understood after.

If you have been lucky enough to be blessed with wonderful women in your life, take a minute to let them know. This has made me feel good. I hope it makes you feel the same. I'm sorry for your loss America. I know what it is like to loose someone you really and truly love.

Terrible Endings and Beautiful Beginnings

If you have a terrible ending, it does not mean that you will not have a beautiful beginning. Life is funny.  You wake up one day and Monday is painful, Tuesday you are betrayed, Wednesday more of the negative happens, Thursday through Friday again but another day dawns.  The sun is beautiful.  The air smells fresh.  Children jump about.  You notice the flowers.  You meet new people, Silje and Jacob from Denmark and you make new friends.

Little children know how to live.  So should we all, so should we all.   

If You Dont Pay Your People

They steal from you. If you pay your people, they still steal from you. Maybe not as much. Stealing, most times is motivated by greed. Full stop. The purpose of this post is to thank all the people who work hard and get paid for honest service, day in and out, and also to thank all those employers who pay their employees on time.

Idiocy

The tragedy of being abused at any point in one's life is the constant insecurity one feels resulting (in most cases) in absolutely abhorent and sometimes tragic choice of friends, partners, asociates, life mates and relationships. I have made an idiot of myself for the last 8 months, more than I have done for my entire life. I am laughing as I type this because, a fantastic thing is happening to me right now. I have been doing all this reading on life changing experiences, change your mind and change your life etc and it was all hogwash ..... until I actually consulted my son and he cut to the chase and told me - mum, get what you want and do what you want ... because we love you no matter what. The point here is this. Sometimes, we only listen when those we love talk to us and we only heal when they care.

This post is dedicated to Calvin, Kirimi and Mwiti.

Chasing away the Facebook Crowd

Posting.  No Comment.  Posting.  No Comment.  Posting.  Chat people vanish and all go online.  Write on your wall.  No other comments posted for a full ten minutes.  What is it?  You have not realised that most people on Facebook only want one thing  ..... to be the Centre of attention.  Not YOU, not the next person and their writing tells you.  Rather, be a follower and commentor and see.  

Next time you are afraid

Remember that you are not the only one.  I am afraid of darkness.  Sometimes I am even afraid of noises, or my own thoughts.  I am afraid of not having enough money, or having too little not to be able to do what has to be done.  I am not afraid of failure, or embarrassment, or getting my hands dirty doing honest work, or talking about my predicaments, but sometimes, ego gets in the way of reasoning.  What other people think, or say, or might say or think, takes such prominence it makes me loose sight of what is important and that, is what is right ..... by your beliefs, whatever they are.  We cannot all go to the same church, or agree to the same interpretation of christianity, or sexual orientation but, we are all human and that is that. 

I'm lucky

To do what I am passionate about and call it work.  I get excited when I work.  New ideas keep constantly flowing in and I have difficulty getting up to leave the computer and go home.  I feel good when I do this.  I come alive and my life feels worthwhile.   Maybe that is all there is to work, the ability to feel good about what you do, whether or not you get paid for it.  No one can take away the satisfaction of accomplishing something fruitful with your time.  Remember that next time you have to do something you want to do ..... even if its for free.

I wannabe ......!

A human being who can find common grounds of communication between my parents and my children, not be the counduit of their frustrations with each other. 

How to get out of a foul mood

Snap at everyone and have none of them do the same to you. Get a few minutes on your own and enjoy realising what a total idiot you have made of yourself. And indulge in the battle between your pride refusing to apologise and your conscience insisting that you do. Look at the people you have snapped at refusing eye contact with you and throughly appreciate the silences which follow your entry into a room. This is the point where you either turn on your heel and go away (yawning gap in the ground please swallow me!) or you brave face it and continue as if nothing happened..... and continue, till its done to YOU.

What they wore

I remember what he wore when he cut off the electricity on a Friday, right in the middle of winter. He would not accept evidence of a wrongly dated receipt, even when logic dictated that it was a typo error. He wore his work uniform - light blue. I also remember the doctor, wearing the famous whites, his stethoscope and the way he spoke to his friends and laughed for a whole hour while children wreathed, puked and moaned all around us, because it was a government hospital, and the attending midwife who was busy chatting about her favourite television programme in the maternity ward. I identified the still-born twins who could have made it, had that midwife done what she came to work for.

In my world, you accept these things and life goes on.

I like

You.  Me.  The space and the mess that my life is right now.  Its tough, its tight, its crazy but it is life.  Yes, it can drive you to see the person who lives under a tree, who tells you that the reason why you have not made your millions is because of your mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or friend.    And the reson why your family has not progressed for the last five hundred years is because of 'bad winds' in your family fortune.  Very   enlightening. And profitable by the number of  "clients" such people have.  You like it better than the motivtional speaker who tells you to stop living with self limiting beliefs.    Or the one who purports to see what the future holds for you, (with a little help from a lot of generalisations of life's events as they happen to most people, thank you).  What I think.  Stick with what works for you.